just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
