you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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