There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
