Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
