What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
