I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
where are my eyebrows?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
