You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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