Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
