Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
