Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
