i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
