Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
