glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
