I'm lost and stupid without you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
