yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
