i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
