Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
