this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
