Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
