Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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