So drunk its hurt
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
