On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
