i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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