She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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