I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
