Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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