Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
