Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
