those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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