Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
