Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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