I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
