he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
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Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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