Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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