Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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