I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
