did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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