He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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