I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
