3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
