I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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