Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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