DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I love having hate sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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