i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i need some magic done to my vagina
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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