I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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