How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
