Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
