If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
