There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
