just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
