I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
