I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
