i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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