He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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