how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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