why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
