its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
