I wish my penis had an off switch
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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