Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
