three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
