alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
