I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
