Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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