I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
