Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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