he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
