We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
