saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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