but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
