is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
