she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
