Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
