This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
