what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
