u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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